So, last night we binged watched Indian Matching, a new reality TV series on Netflix focused on the grand institution of arranged marriages and how they happen in today's Indian society and diaspora, especially, amongst the very, very wealthy.
We, of course, were recommended this series by Netflix when it premiered on July 16th, but, honestly, we ignored it because it did not seem like something that would interest us. So, we let it be and scrolled past it to watch other things.
We ended up watching it because Swati Daftaur was live-Story-ing her reactions to the episodes on Instagram and her evocative commentary got me and my sister fully intrigued! What was this show all about? Why did it sound like it could be totally cringe-worthy but also a lot of fun? So, on Sunday evening, we thought we'd give it a whirl!
Going in, I had no idea what to expect from the show in terms of a format. So, to help you decide on whether you ought to watch it or not, let me give you a tiny summary of what show's premise and overall format.
This show is centred around a high society matchmaker from Mumbai called Sima Taparia (the woman with the prime real estate on the poster above!), whose calling (and profession) in life is to help find rich boys and girls their perfect life partners. So, in terms of format, we follow Sima (from Mumbai) around the world as she meets her new clients, get to watch her process of finding them potential matches, follow around these clients on some of their first meetings with the potential bride/ groom candidate and see what happens. With me? Okay. So, having given you some idea of what this show entails, let's get into our review of it.
Our Thoughts:
1. Oh boy! Where do we even start? First of all, I am so grateful that this is not my life! I am extremely privileged (thank you God and parents and extended family), who've let me be and have given me the space to live my life without pressurising me to get married. So, all of the events depicted in the series are very unrelatable to me. I haven't had to sit through an awkward first "date" with a total stranger and talk about big, personal issues like how many kids I'd want and whether I'd be okay to homeschool them etc.! It sounds like a right nightmare to me!
However, anxiety inducing as these awkward rishta dates may be, they are nothing compared to the harsh realities of the arranged marriage mart in India, where women (to be fair, also men) are grossly commoditised. Like the first episode's name says it all- slim, trim and fair! Women are only rated on their appearance and their willingness to be "flexible" and to "adjust and compromise". All her achievements, her personality, her interests don't matter beyond just starting conversation topics and looking good on paper!
The series minimises these issues with our arranged marriage system completely, glossing over them and using testimonials from older married couples, who've "adjusted and compromised" to show that those are the values to aspire for, else, your marriage will "break like biscuits" (also another episode title!)!
2. The cast of this show contains some real specimens. I think that's entirely on purpose! There is a lot of variety and representation in terms of some of the typical issues and concerns that people seeking to arrange their marriage may face.
For instance, we have the highly and unapologetically successful lawyer, Aparna, who is labelled as stubborn and difficult for having high standards in terms of what she expects from her life partner. Then, we have the hilarious and sweet school teacher, Vyasar, whose father went to prison for 10 years on a conspiracy to commit murder charge- a blot on the family izzat (respectability), which is easily a deal breaker when it comes to arranged marriage. We have a gorgeous Guyanese Indian American woman, Nadia, who is treated as not fully Indian as her ancestors left the motherland in the late 19th century to work in the plantations in Guyana. We have a divorcee with a young child, who is looking for a second chance at love and companionship. We have a mother vapidly and cruelly pressurising her clueless, insipid son (Akshay Jakhete) to get married by the end of the year so that his elder brother and sister-in-law can proceed to have kids the following year!
Still here? So, yeah, these are but some examples of the kind of candidates/ Sima Aunty's clients that you can expect to find on the show and each of their journeys is cringe-inducing and weirdly hilarious at the same time.
3. Since this morning, Indian Matchmaker has inspired many to create memes and jokes (and rightly so!), given some of the dialogues, characters and incidents are, indeed, satire-worthy. However, if you look beyond all the memes and jokes, you will realise that this show holds up a not-so-flattering mirror to our current Indian society.
It shows us that even in the second decade of the 21st century, we are still holding on to the regressive values and ideals of the 18th or even 16th century and that, when it comes to marriages, nothing much has changed!
The perfect wife candidate still has to be slim-trim-fair and be willing to "adjust and compromise" to make the marriage work. The perfect groom candidate still needs to be a provider with having interests and being kind to animals a bonus.
A girl with a CA and MBA is only expected to have and raise kids. Her having any career ambitions are shocking and frowned upon, with one insipid groom dude exclaiming, "But if you work who will look after the kids and all?" Really, dude? Wake the f*ck up! This is the 21st century! A woman can do both! Or whatever the heck she wants to do!
4. The show also glosses over the very blatant casteism and regionalism that are the cornerstones of the arranged marriage system in India. The whole institution of arranged marriage exists to maintain the sanctity of the caste system, but in this series, Sima Aunty totally glosses over caste saying, "No one cares about caste."
No, Sima Aunty. People care about caste even today. How else do you explain the slew of honour killings in India that happen when a girl or a boy marries outside of their caste?! Why else would wealthy families opt for arranged marriages for their kids if not to maintain the sanctity of their caste and marry within the community?!
I refuse to believe that NRIs are so open minded and so cool that they don't care about marrying outside of their caste and region? Would a Sindhi girl really be cool about being arrange married to a Tamil boy? Really? I don't think so!
This also begs the question- who is the intended target audience for this show? It can't be Indians living in India because this is not new news to us!
Is it then targeted at the NRIs/ Indian diaspora abroad? To help Sima Aunty get more clients? I highly doubt it because her lack of due diligence and recommending matches from different castes and regions is not going to sit well with them.
Then, I have to assume that this is a show targeted at non-Indians. To attempt to showcase the wonders of the arranged marriage system along with a few palatable flaws. To make it seem less like a weird, outdated method of matrimony. To show that it actually works. How else do you explain those saccharine sweet testimonials of people with 30+ years of blissful arranged matrimony?
It is so blatantly transparent, I want to scream! We are not morons!
5. Finally, there was little to no due diligence done by the matchmaker on her clients or their prospective life partner candidates. Sima Aunty seems like a nice enough lady, but she does take whatever her clients tell her at face value.
I cannot stress enough on the importance of due diligence when it comes to one's prospective partners' backgrounds!! It is critical! People lie all the time! Hire a private detective! Get that pre-matrimonial verification package and get the dirt on the dude/ woman and his/ her family! It can save lives!
Rating: I can't even! This is weird train wreck that you can't take your eyes off of. Watch it. Laugh. Be afraid. Roll your eyes. Rant. Call your best friend and discuss. It'll be fun!
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